Showing posts with label repecting children's needs and fulfilled parents. Show all posts
Showing posts with label repecting children's needs and fulfilled parents. Show all posts

Saturday, December 11, 2010

"The child that's still inside me."



I came across this 1980 interview with author Astrid Lindgren (Pippi Longstocking and other books) and Agnetha Faltskog was singer for ABBA.
http://www.agnethaarchives.com/articles/ANonsmokingGeneration.htm-post

I was particularly interested in some of the insights Lindgren shared when dealing with kids and writing for them.


To the question "Were you a kind mother?"

Astrid: I played with my children and had just as much fun as they did. That's something that only children knows, if an adult enjoys being with them, if they have fun being with them. You can't pretend, "now we're going to have a good time". It has to come from inside you. Not everybody enjoys spending time with their children.
Astrid: When I walk in the streets I observe all people intensively. I saw a mother and a young boy and I thought that this boy is lucky. They were calm, both of them relaxed, holding each other's hands and were occupied with their own separate thoughts, but they exuded affinity and trust. I felt like walking up to them saying: Oh, how good things are with you and your mom. But you see others "now come with me"...


Astrid, why do you think adults like your books just as much as children?

Astrid: When it comes to a children's book, adults have to be able to stand it in order to read it. If not, it's not good. If you ask me the question: How should a good children's book be like, then I answer: It should be good! Because you never ask how good a collection of poems or a good novel should be like. There's really no good way to judge children's literature, in any other way than as literature. You have to have the same demands, on artistry, on genuineness, a good language and so on. You can't just sit down and say: well, this is how a good children's book should be.
Agnetha: It's just as if they would ask us, especially the guys, how do you write a hit, do you think that now we're going to write a hit? They don't. You don't work in that way. How would you know?

Do you picture any special kind of children in front of you when you write a children’s book?

Astrid: No, I write for the child that's still inside me. I never think that there will be children reading my books. Never. I write just to have fun. It's just as fun writing books as it is reading them. Since I always read books, as a child, and I still do, I can feel when I write that this is the way I want it. I go inside it in some kind of way. No, I never think of any other children. It doesn't matter what they think either... I can't let it. It's good if they're just as childish as I am.

Monday, June 21, 2010

Respecting Kids, fulfilling ourselves?


Unschooling parents ask, "Can we satisfy our kids needs and fulfill our own as well?" This was the topic of discussion on an unschooling list I'm on.

A woman wanted to do theater and her 8 year old had a very hard time with it-separation anxiety that lead to hysterics, really not wanted her to do this.

Was this child being manipulative? Shouldn't she have to toughen up and stop being a baby and let her poor mother have a thing of her own?

It's complicated. The comments and advice were thoughtful: some urging the mother to go ahead and audition for upcoming plays since she expressed real happiness and passion for her newly discovered interest. A few voices told her she should respect the child's wishes, (it was a bit more complicated then that-but that was the basic idea), children are small for a short time-they grow up so fast and then you'll have time for your interests.

My thoughts? What is fulfillment anyway? It's a tough one.
I know that i have 'put my 'career' on hold -Wait! What career? It never really took off-for my kids. Was it a sacrifice? Not really. I never thought of it as that. I never thought that what i was doing was stopping me from doing other just as important things. Until they started to get older, and i felt that I had 'put in my time.'

As a matter of fact, even when they were very small I made sure I had some time carved out for my interests. And my daughters are not an easy ride either.
I always took a course at the local community college- photography, singing, guitar (as well as volunteering, and i included the kids in all my volunteer work).

These courses required very little time commitment overall, but at the time, I felt the need to get 'my mental health' time, to feel that i was doing something for me.

Now thinking about it, not sure what really was the motivation behind it. Perhaps I was motivated to take time away so that I would be appreciated more; or to really feel like i was a multifaceted person (but I all ready knew that-grin!). Or to keep a foot in the potentially working world.

Far too often, unschooling mums don't get time for 'changing their focus/ideas' to translate from the French (changer les idees).
Sometimes though, a child' has serious anxiety separation and it would be hard on the child to simply be toss her concerns aside.

Other times, the timing is just not right. I got accepted into a Masters' program at York but when it really came down to it, there was no way in hell I could go full time (as the program required) and still unschool my 10 year old.
I couldn't put her into school just because I wanted to fulfill my need to get this masters. I figured, it could wait. I didn't do it. And now even if I had the time and resources, the program i wanted to do wouldn't be my first choice after all! So-in the end it was a win win for both of us.

I think being sensitive to what is really being communicated is what is important. Evaluating the situation carefully and really listening to what is being said without clouding the true motivations behind the emotions and the words with 'i deserve' or 'it should be like..' type of thinking.
What about you? What are you thoughts on the issue?
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